This Gay Loves Jesus - How It Started

I first fantasized about having sex with other guys when I was a teenager. Because it was not socially acceptable to be Gay, I figured that maybe I was Bi. Like most teenagers, I first found out about sex from discarded Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler magazines. I was especially attracted to the stories about when guys experimented with having sex with other guys.

I was dating a really attractive Christian girl in High School that I met while we were both working at a movie theater. We never had sex, because of her beliefs. Because of her, I started to look into the Christian faith and bought into the belief hook, line and sinker. Looking back, it probably had more to do with the fact that I knew I was sexually attracted to men and hoped that Jesus would help me change.

Over 12 years later, after going to College, volunteering for Campus Crusade for Christ, getting involved in a local church, working overseas, working on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ for five years, I began to realize that my homosexual desires were not lessening, but increasing. I began to feel more and more depressed about these desires. I sought counseling and even checked into an out patient physciatrict treatment center for sexual addiction. I joined a support group through Exodus International. All to no avail. My homosexual feelings never changed, they only got more intense, and, I became more depressed.

When going through the intake interview for the psych clinic, the psychiatrist asked me what was the worst thing that could happen if I did not change. I realized he was asking becuase the clinic mostly dealt with people who were suicidal. I told him that the worst thing that could happen is that I would end up living a homosexual lifeststyle. It was only after this treatment regimen, while trying to deal with real life, that I realized that living a homosexual lifestyle may not be all that bad - it had to be better than the misery I was living at that time.

It was then, in 1993 that I decided to give up full time ministry, get a "real" job, and try to fulfill some longings that I had been depriving myself of for years. I realized that all the faith and dedication to the service of Christ in the world was not going to change who I was.

Because of the state of Christianity in this country, I have come to the belief that Christianity and Homosexuality are not compatible. I know there are those who disagree with me. It is my intention through this blog to explain my reasons for believing that the Bible may be true, but Christians need to leave us Gays alone.